Leukemia in Lebanon, remembrance in Lahore: Part 4 concluded

My heart missed a beat as I clicked onto the message…It was a message delivery failure. I had apparently written the address wrong. I was a little annoyed with myself but then decided to email again.

The next day there was no electricity the whole day, the UPS was not working either. There were terrorist attacks inside Lahore and I was beginning to think….If there was a person who had a life threatening problem or a disease and needed to get to the hospital, how would that person be able to dodge the terrorists and reach the hospital in time? That person would never get another chance, even if he had the money, even if he had the will. Who are these people who don’t understand the basic expectation of a human being from life? The fair expectation to have life and health and happiness…

I was very disturbed that day. I didn’t understand it. Why was this all happening? What is the meaning of all of this? What is our role in this great design? In which there is the yearning for health and happiness, the artificial standards ordained by ‘money’ and the politics of terror?
After watching the live coverage of the terrorists’ attacks the whole day, I finally remembered I had to check my mail. Late at night I opened my inbox and there it was, a message from Dana. It was a three liner, written in bad English but sounding exactly the way she used to speak.

These were her words:

‘HI MY DEAR DO YOU BELIEVE THAT TODAY I LOOKED A LOT FOR UR MAIL I DIDN'T FIND IT AND LOOK YOU SENT FOR ME,WHY TO KNOW MY NEWS WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ME I AM VERY SAD I HAVE A BIG LOST BUT I GAINED AN ANGEL IN THE HANDS OF GOD...ALLAH YERHAMA YA RAB SHE LEFT US LAST SUNDAY ON OCTOBER 4TH.PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR GIRLS..... ‘



I knew that Yasmin was going to die but now that I heard the news, I felt this sickness surge from the pit of my stomach, engulfing me completely. I think I would have preferred not hearing about her death.

The next day I wrote back to Dana.


‘My dear Dana,

I received your email yesterday but I had no strength to reply. I was afraid of hearing this sad news from you and to be honest, I did not want to call you up because I could not bear the thought of hearing about Yasmin's pain. I wonder if you will understand this, but I even thought of not contacting you at all so that , that way Yasmin lived forever in our memories because we would never hear about her passing away.

I can't explain how much you and your family meant to all of us in the most difficult period of our lives. Yasmin was like my Bilquis to me. We may be strangers in so many ways and we have such a lot of distance between us, but because of the friendship that our little daughters had together and because of the friendship that you and I had together, in those haunting days in the hospital, I feel I am closer to you than I am to any of my closest friends.

I had dreams about both Yasmin and Bilquis together...I will never forget her resemblance to Billy in many ways, Tammys being like our Dina and frankly, your being so much like me. I often felt that your family was so much like ours. Maybe that is why, your loss seems like my own.

As I write this, I feel like I am writing about my own daughter not being there anymore. I pray to God that you come out of all this to live life to the fullest with your Tammy. She needs you too. And you need her to remind you, everyday of your life, that God gave her to you to comfort you in your grief and to give you joy again in your life.

As for Yasmin, she will be living in a beautiful house in heaven where she can play with the flowers and the butterflies and always look pretty and have no pain. She is in a much better world and God will take care of her better than anyone on earth...but then you already know all of this. And you know what she will do in her beautiful little house? She will pray for you and Tammy and Haitham so that you all meet again. I pray to Allah that you do and when you meet, you have a life time of happy memories to tell her about.

I really do not have the courage to call you just yet. My husband and I are deeply affected by this news and we both really want to talk to both of you. Can you give me your husband’s cell number? My husband really wants to talk to him. I will call you after some weeks...I hope you can heal a little by then. If you would like to write about anything about the last four months that might help you to feel better, then I would be so thankful that you decided to share with me. If not, I will completely understand.

I would like to keep in touch with you, if that's okay

With my deepest condolences, prayers and love...’




A week has passed since that email and I never heard back from Dana. I know now that she will never contact me again. We shared something in pain, but we have almost nothing in common now. On the contrary, it might hurt her more if she stayed in touch…I still wish her all the best and wonder if our paths will ever cross again in life.